The current conversation around young mothers is not only stigmatizing, it’s also incredibly insensitive. Campaigns such as #NoTeenPreg, launched by the Candies Foundation, present young mothers as inherently problematic – to themselves,  their families, and their communities. The campaign proliferates messages like,  “You’re supposed to be changing the world, not changing diapers,”  as if teen moms are incapable of influencing positive change. The Candie’s Foundation isn’t the first organization to shame young parents and unfortunately it won’t be the last.

As advocacy organizations, we often respond to campaigns like this by explaining that the “real problem” with teen pregnancy is the lack of resources and medically accurate information about sex and sexuality. While I agree that these are often the cause of unintended pregnancies –  80% of teen pregnancies are unintended – we tend to avoid or ignore the question of why teen pregnancy is even an issue to begin with. These efforts are important but they still rely on the assumption that teen pregnancy is intrinsically a problem.

The reality is that young people can change the world and having a child isn’t going to stop them. I am originally from Tucson, AZ where our State Legislature is constantly passing new legislation restricting access to critical information, resources and reproductive health services. fortunately, this legislation is continuously taken to court and, like this week’s 20 week abortion ban, overturned. Arizona also has some of the highest rates of teen pregnancy in the country. Needless to say, I grew up knowing a lot of young parents, some who experienced an unintended pregnancy and some who chose to start families at a young age. Regardless of their circumstances, they experience the shame, stigma and judgment that teen parents everywhere face. [...]

Cross-posted with permission from Provide. 

“Places get healthier when the people who live in them make informed choices about what they put in their bodies, and when the communities themselves are committed to better health. Those steps improve the workforce and change how families use their resources.” Dee Davis,Speak Your Piece: Living in a fixer upper

I was struck by this quote from Dee Davis, president and founder of the Center for Rural Strategies in Whitesburg, KY because it reminded me of what we believe at Provide and why we are working in rural communities to increase access to abortion. Abortion access may only be one of the health-related issues a rural woman might face in her lifetime, but it is the one she may be most reluctant to discuss with a social service or health care provider. Stigma keeps providers quiet and women afraid to ask about referrals to women-friendly resources about abortion and abortion providers. We leave women alone to search for the right information. That is unacceptable.

Last summer, I volunteered at the Remote Area Medical rural health clinic at the Wise, VA county fairgrounds. I saw people drive hundreds of miles from 7 states and sleep overnight in a parking lot to be sure to get a place in line for basic health care. As I talked with people I began to realize that many folks waited because they are not able to afford health care anywhere else: stories of spacing medications, years of no dental care, not knowing what the growths on their bodies were but waiting to seek medical help until they could no longer tolerate the pain, smell or bleeding. I had to take a humble look at just what we at Provide are envisioning. When health care is THIS hard to access,what does it take to make sure women are getting the right information about abortion? How does this fit into the picture I saw in Wise, VA? [...]

Read more Mama’s Day blogs at Strong Families

Mother’s day comes every year in May, and every year I realize I have no idea what to get for my mom. What do you get for the woman that has everything? My mommy, the lady that loves me unconditionally, how can I ever repay you for deciding to be a mother again and dealing with a baby girl as inquisitive and stubborn as me? You did it by yourself, 24 hours a day – rain, sleet, or shine. You went to work, late nights and early mornings, bus rides, and soggy days caught in the rain. Many tears shed so tired, but never stopping, you are a queen. Never fitting the classic narratives of the white housewives on Mother’s Day cards, you were always strong, the rock, and always teaching me to be a strong, black Jamaican woman that takes on the traditions and heritage of the powerful women of my past, and uses it to pave my future.

My stepmother, always a source of strength for me and a trusted confidant; she helped me step into womanhood with style, grace, sass, and a certain sway in my hips as I did it. Always a go-getter, and another fine example of a strong, black Jamaican woman. These women never fit the cookie cutter molds that I saw in the media of the housewife or the underprivileged women of color. We never had it all, but we definitely had enough. They juggled the jobs of woman, mother, and worker without a mopped brow, and instilled in me a hunger and zest for my dreams. These women were nothing like the mothers on TV with their book clubs and perfectly manicured lawns. My mothers were present always acting like a guiding light when I was lost, but enabling me to make mistakes and grow into the young woman that I am today. [...]

By Callie Otto, Choice USA intern 

My 16 year-old brother got his first real girlfriend a few months ago. As the sex-obsessed one in the family, I’ve decided it’s my job to make sure he knows everything he needs to know about sex.

Truthfully, I’d prefer it if my brother waited until he was 30. I don’t want to acknowledge my little brother as a sexual person, but on average, teens have sex for the first time by age 17. So chances are, now’s the time he’ll be needing my lectures the most.

Yes, it’s going to be uncomfortable. And I talk about sex all the time, so I can’t even imagine how uncomfortable it would be for a normal person. We live in a society that tells young people that sex is dirty, wrong, evil, etc. We tell them not to have sex until they’re married, or at least adults, but we don’t really offer much else from there. We know it’s happening, but we’re so uncomfortable with it that we just don’t talk about it.

As we can see from the heavy correlation between lower unplanned teen pregnancy rates and comprehensive sex education, we need to be talking about it. So despite the fact that the idea of my brother having sex makes me a little uncomfortable, I know that my brother is a pretty bright young man, capable of making his own informed decisions, and I want to make sure he has every resource he needs to make those decisions.

So, I lecture. I tell him that sex is sex. Vaginal, oral, or anal, it’s all sex. I stress again and again that he better be using a condom during any kind of sex. I tell him about good communication and consent.

Once he has the education he needs, the next step is making sure he has access to the resources he needs. Is his girlfriend on birth control? What obstacles could be standing in the way of her accessing that? Does he need condoms?

And what about access to Plan B? [...]

Cross-posted with permission from Fem2.0 

**Trigger warning - This post contains strong language and graphic descriptions.**

There is a photograph being shared in Facebook of a woman cowering in a corner, eyes downcast, as large man standing in the foreground swings his fist at her head. The caption reads, “Women deserve equal rights. And lefts.”

AT&T, American Express, Cubesmart and Ancestry.com are among the page’s sponsors today.

This image has been reported to Facebook repeatedly. Their response is: “Thanks for your report. We reviewed the photo you reported, but found it doesn’t violate Facebook’s Community Standard on hate speech, which includes posts or photos that attack a person based on their race, ethnicity, national origin, religion, sex, gender, sexual orientation, disability, or medical condition.”

The “joke” isn’t offensive. What is offensive is fact that the infliction of pain on girls and women –pain inflicted because they are female – is entertaining and acceptable. As with rape humor, domestic violence humor reduces girls and women to their body parts and communicates that we are violable for other people’s purposes and entertainment. Helpless and full of shame. At the same times, this content perpetuates harmful stereotypes about what makes men “real” – violence, control, infliction of pain on others, lack of empathy, never weak or helpless. This is our culture of cruelty and domination. Its how we teach boys and girls to be. Not Facebook’s problem, I know.

[...]

This post is part of a series celebrating Choice USA’s Bro-Choice Week of Action. For more information, please visit our website and take the Bro-Choice pledge. 

For those of you unfamiliar with the concept (like I was just last month), Schroedinger’s Rapist is a blog post by Phaedra Starling. The article itself discusses the appropriate way for a man to approach a woman in a public place; men are advised to proceed with caution and consideration of the fact that there is no reasonable way for a woman to know whether or not she is at risk of being assaulted. Starling writes that there is no way for a woman to know that the risk of a strange man approaching her is zero.

Here’s the overarching idea:

• Our culture downplays the frequency and seriousness of rape.
• Our culture engages in a constant and subtle level of misogyny.
• Our culture blames victims and diverts attention to the victim’s sexual history, choice of clothing, level of alcohol intake, ect., which makes it unlikely to see rapists convicted.

(So what we have here is a lose-lose.) [...]

This post is part of a series celebrating Choice USA’s Bro-Choice Week of Action. For more information, please visit our website and take the Bro-Choice pledge. 

As a part of this week, we want to highlight some of the fantastic work done by others on the topics of men, masculinity, sexual assault, and reproductive justice. Below are some of our favorite writing about these topics from others. Stay tuned throughout the week for more and nominate your favorite articles in the comments.

[many of the posts linked to in this series come with a trigger warning]

Steubenville: Humiliation Was The Point Of The Exercise, Thomas MacAulay Millar, Yes Means Yes Blog

An earnest letter to guys about the problem with rape jokes; It’s not about being PC, Leah, Talkin’ Reckless

Toxic Masculinity, Jaclyn Friedman, The American Propect

How my past as a Black woman informs my black male feminist perspective today, Dr. Ziegler, Bklyn Boihood

In Rape Tragedies, the Shame Is Ours, Jessica Valenti, The Nation

This post is part of a series celebrating Choice USA’s Bro-Choice Week of Action. For more information, please visit our website and take the Bro-Choice pledge. 

In the aftermath of Steubenville, pundits and reporters have been discussing the different factors that drove the perpetrators to commit such a terrible crime. Some have suggested that it was a lack of parental involvement. Others have wondered if teen drinking is to blame. One factor that has not been discussed in great detail – and one that our society is reluctant to ponder – is our cultural definition of masculinity. One of the ways privilege functions is that we don’t question the socialization of those with power. For instance, when white men commit violent acts of terrorism the news media classifies them as “lone gunmen” who are mentally ill. Compare that to a person of color who commits a crime – that person’s race or religion is almost always the first topic discussed. Or, when women commit violence, gender is the topic of conversation.

In order to understand why some men choose to perpetrate sexual violence, it’s imperative we examine what we’re teaching our boys about what it takes to be “real men.” Looking at media depictions of masculinity, it isn’t difficult to see that we’re teaching boys, from an early age, that being a man is about being strong, tough, and never displaying vulnerability. The only culturally sanctioned emotions for men to display are anger and rage. Think about the words we use to describe men who show their sadness, their frustration, or their fears – all of the words one can think of are either homophobic or sexist. This teaches boys that the worst thing you can be is either gay or a woman, and more importantly, that gay people and women are deserving of hate.

Naturally, this behavior encourages men to be violent towards gay men, women, and trans* people. And any straight-identified, cis-gendered man who doesn’t fit inside the “box of masculinity” is at risk of being ostracized. Make no mistake, this is not saying that men are oppressed because of their status as men, nor is this saying that men can experience sexism (we can’t). Rather, this is to say that men are constrained by gender straitjackets and in order to prevent rape, as well as support male survivors of sexual violence, we need to begin addressing the way men and boys are socialized. [...]

This post is part of a series celebrating Choice USA’s Bro-Choice Week of Action. For more information, please visit our website and take the Bro-Choice pledge. 

I’m in the seventh grade; a shy kid with a stutter, and short for my age, sitting by the front of my school long after the final bells have rung. It’s mostly empty, so I notice when that this kid, even smaller than I am, is stumbling through the parking lot, towards the front of the school. He’s carrying this black, big-ass tuba case, and I laugh–he can hardly walk–before I realize he’s crying. A nose running, chest heaving, proud-hurt-boy cry, blood running down the side of his left leg, soaking his white shin-high socks. I stop laughing. I start running.

As I reach him, I realize the left side of his body is all torn up–not only his face, arm, and shoulder, but also some of his clothes. “What Happened?!” I shout, almost, and as he strains against the weight of the case, he stammers an explanation: A group of kids started taunting him when he got out of practice. “One of them was re-re-re-really tall,” he says, wiping the snot from his nose with the back of his hand. He tried to fight back–he insists–when they grabbed his tuba, but there were six of them. He was outnumbered. Tall kid picked him up while the others laughed, and threw him onto some of the exposed coral rock..

As a kid who’d been picked on my whole life—for stuttering, having a lesbian mother, wearing thrift store clothes, etcetera etcetera—I was furious. I knew how lonely and terrifying that was, how helpless, so I had a decision to make; either I stood up and did something about this, or I stayed quiet, “pussied out.” So I ask him, and with his snot covered hand, and he points to where they were. No one had ever protected me at school, but I was going to protect him. [...]

This post is part of a series celebrating Choice USA’s Bro-Choice Week of Action. For more information, please visit our website and take the Bro-Choice pledge. 

**Trigger Warning – this post includes violence, sexual assault, and explicit language**

Picture this: A bony, almond-eyed, lanky tomboy with a terrible haircut is playing kickball outside of her house when an unrecognizable car comes driving slowly down the street. Annoyed that she has to put her game on pause the tomboy walks to the side of the road waiting for the car to pass, except it doesn‘t, it pulls up right next to her. The man driving the car is going on and on about his lost dog. The little girl apologizes because she hasn‘t seen any dogs wandering around her neighborhood. Before the man drives away to leave, he exposes himself to the girl and tries to force her into his car. That was the first time that I remember being subjected to sexual violence. I was 8 years old. There are a few more instances in which I have been a survivor of sexual assault, including one as a male-identified transgender person.

The violence that I have endured as a male-identified person has been physical, sexual, and verbal. The physical violence that I usually encounter now has to do with how I present my gender expression on rare occasions or just due to my obvious queerness. I like to explore the endless possibilities that come with deciding how to present my gender on a daily basis. Sometimes I experiment with nail polish and dressing in drag, other times I simply like to wear things that I’m not “supposed” to wear as a predominately masculine presenting person. I love making people uncomfortable by blurring gender lines and expectations from time to time, and I realize that negating traditional gender roles and expectations unfortunately has it‘s ramifications. [...]